Daily ‘Saamna’ sheds regional tag, launches Aman ka Jhaansa

Seeing the ongoing efforts of infiltration and firing and beheading of Indian soldier by Pakistan, Saamna has decided to launch a new initiative – Aman ka Jhaansa. A move that immediately drew a sharp reaction from TOI.

“People like us are already trying for a smooth passage for Pakistanis into India so that not only Indians but the other neighbors i.e. Nepal, Bhutan too can avail benefits of Terror attacks and dubious people from each country can benefit from People to People contact. Given this, we agree there was absolutely no reason for Pakistanis to restore to such overt operation of firing on LOC etc. But announcing Aman ka Jhaansa is a knee jerk reaction by fundamentalist forces.” said a TOI spokesperson.

When a reporter asked him as to why it is so that why only India need to keep gulping the potion of peace, He said “Please understand, friendly relationship with India will not change anything in Pakistan because amongst burning Baluchinstan, karaahta Karachi, naarkiya NWFP, MQM, LET, Shia minority and many more, they will hardly notice a friendly India. But it’s the Indians who have a lot to gain from a friendly Pakistan.”

“No, Aman ka Jhaansa is not a parody of Aman ki Asha, but it is an effort to expose the inner purpose of Aman ki Asha.” informed Mr Raut “We will make people understand that member of Pakistani Army and Political parties are not from Sweden or Venezuela, but they all are common men coming from Pakistani masses. Hence this fraud that common Pakistani wants peace with India can not be trusted.”

“When there are forces out there preaching hatred and killing, it doesn’t make sense for us Indians to dream all roses and train our children to get killed. And in any case Aman ki Asha is fraud, because we all know that actually it is not Aman ki but Burman ki Asha.” Bystanders were nodding at each other in agreement.

Monthly quota of speaking exhausted, PM to condemn Pak in Feb

Reporters were in shock of their life when they approached PMO for PM’s comment on beheading of Indian soldier by Pakistani army. Pankaj Pachauri – the PMO spokesman informed the reporters that Mr. Manmohan Singh has already exhausted his monthly quota of speaking six (6) sentences and any comment of this trivial matter can be heard only in the month of February 2012.

Brushing aside the so called severity of the issue, Pankaj Pachauri shot back, “After all, what soldiers are for? It is only infiltrators and soldiers who get killed on the border, still to assuage the emotional fools, our strongest and the most macho PM so far – Mr. Manmohan Singh would take strongest possible steps” He added. “How can you laugh at such serious meet?” visibly upset Pachauri snubbed couple of reporters.

Explaining the strong steps he said, “You see we have just punished them with an invitation for 20-20 and one day series and as soon as we are done with the suspension and the resumption of peace talks, we would severally punish them with another Test series and liberal visa laws. But before taking any such drastic steps, we are awaiting American words of wisdom, highlighting the non-state actors and importance of peace in the region”

“Allowing people brandishing their AK-47, to come freely in India would definitely discourage Pakistanis from committing such cowardice act of infiltrating in the dark of nights.” He concluded.

When reporters wanted to know the status of 10 terrorists who had sneaked in Delhi during Anti-Rape protest, he promptly said, “As they are Delhi Police Commissioner’s baby only he can answer you on this. Well by ‘his baby’ I don’t intend to say that they were his brain child.”

Press meet was called off as soon as this reporter enquired if “Theek Hai?” too was counted as a full sentence.

Big day for Pakistan – A Non state Actor gets Oscar Nomination!

Entire Pakistan went into jubilant mood. It’s a riot of lights and sound all over Karachi and Baluchistan albeit mostly caused by routine arson and bomb blasts in sectarian violence.

Kulbulawal Khan, a part time terrorist and noted historian of Pakistan was overjoyed, “In such a long history of Pakistan that goes back to the ages before dinosaurs, today is the first time that the country is getting such attention. So far the only other significant event for Pakistan was when fanatic Hindus took away India from it.”

“After all, for a restricted society like that of Pakistan it is like a flower blooming in desert. And god willing our actor achieved this feat without any kind of exposing or nudity, God is great and so am I.” said a local Imam. Though, he himself being a signatory on a fatwa banning movies he does not know the name of the actor who has got such a huge appreciation. But the proud was very much visible on his face. Some on the street also expressed ignorance of the actor saying that they don’t watch Pashto Porn.

On the other hand the prominent strategist Zaid Hamid criticized the happening and warned the citizens that it is a western ploy, a gimmick generated by God blessed Americans, chosen ones Israelis, UK and the Hindu Zionists. “They are trying to weaken us by luring our youth with such awards. But they won’t succeed because just like me god is also great” He said.

Imran khan demanded an immediate disclosure of the name of the movie and the actor who won such an appreciation for Pakistan. “Pakistan’s name keeps propping up only for wrong reasons, so this was such a wonderful thing to happen and hence we must celebrate our national hero.” Inzmaam ul Haq too tried saying something but English being too ashamed to come out; got entangled in his beard and we could not understand what he was trying to tell about “oh sucker’ nomination.

“Since he is a non-state actor, we as per our policy, do not know the name and the address of the said Actor, however we have issued couple of valid Pakistani passports to him to enable him to go and collect the prize in case he wins. And yes we have definite information that he was NOT trained by MNTA (Mushafarri Nautanki & Tamasha Academy)” said Heena Rabbani.

In India, PMO released a statement stating that as we as a nation are used to get kicked around, a weaker Pakistan is not in our interest. We need a strong and stable Pakistan who can kick us around like another strong and stable neighbor China. But one thing is for sure, whenever he wants, Rahul ji can become PM of India.

Since the secrecy remained around the name of the Actor, several well known people like Hafiz Said, Majid Memon, Dawood and millions unknown too, seen busy making or buying passports and packing their stuff for the award ceremony while in Washington all the other countries were busy discussing the air strikes on Pakistan.