Sensing opportunity in sixteen for sex, Sunny Leone launches Pre school chain

In the middle of her already bright career shining in open, Sunny Leone decided to diversify. In a well managed press conference she announced her plan to launch pre-school chain. which immediately had reporters scratch their heads, even embarrassing her mentor Mr Bhatt.

“Was this sudden, or it’s a just that BPTTS (Beauty Pageant’s Temporary Teresa Syndrome)” To which she sighed multiple times sexily and gave a long pause with bright smile. Mr Bhatt chipped in saying, “It is obvious for Ms Sunny to diversify horizontally. After all we are living in a male chauvinistic society where Rishi Kapoor can still appear for his board exams but Neetu Singh is not considered even for an elder sister’s role. This sick mentality has forced our beloved Ms Sunny to plan for an alternate career. And here comes her Pre-School chain – Silent Stars”

“But why the Pre School? From ‘Adults only’ to ‘Children only’? I mean why changing focus so drastically?” Fakingnews reporter asked gulping the samosa down.

As Ms Sunny was to bite her lips again, Mr Bhatt explained “South Virginia Research Center has come out with a study proving that around 93% of Adults were child at some point in their lives, so it makes sense catching them young?”

“But since government has lowered the age for consensual sex, widening up market for your movies, why to venture into this?”

“See ours is a conservative society, parental pressure and those highly dangerous “Sanskar” etc are still holding back youths from this adventure. With enlightened people like us in their lives so early would help them break the mental blocks.”

“We have already started printing our own text books”, he said waving a think book titled – “Sans The Sanskaars”.

Ms Sunny started singing –

Twinkle Twinkle little star
Let’s forget our sanskaar
We and adults are at par
Why have to wait till Sixteen
When teacher is superstar

“For the rest of things please do not forget to collect admission cards for your children. We already received tons of applications. Remember there is no legal lowest age for pre-school” Mr Bhatt winked winding up the conference.

Virus hits Chinese security grid, PLA blames hacked DRDO data

Today in an unprecedented event, the entire security grid of People’s Liberation Army got crashed. Headquarter lost all it’s command and control network with the rest of the army. The strange Virus caused massive power failure in entire northern China leaving millions without electricity.

PLA is yet to come out with an official response, but in its internal briefing to the government, it has blamed the recently hacked DRDO data. Major Me-Uthai-Gir explained that the recently lifted data from DRDO was all corrupt and hence the PCs those were used to hack that data, got infected.

“No, it was not because of the confusingly encrypted communication that runs between DRDO and GOI as we have developed a firewall to filter out anything that GOI conveys. It was something else.” He said with confidence.

Though investigation is still on, as per our sources close to CCC (Chaurasia’s Chinese Corner), the primary suspects are certain files those were sitting in private drives of some of the scientists. i.e. Dandiya & Dhokla with Falguni.flv which they thought has something to do with Falagong sect. And the torrents of Khana Khazana –‘Secrets of Rice’, which were mistaken as secret tech deals with Condaliza Rice. Few more like Diggi-unplugged, Big Boss-6 etc

“PLA decoders crashed while decoding those files and it is where the mess started. It would be too early to pronounce the recent attack on DRDO as a futile exercise, but worst can not be ruled out.” The Xinhua agency reported, “PLA is planning to raise the issue in UN against what it calls highly disproportionate response by Indian side.”

Back in India, as responsible people were still looking at each others faces and trying to make sense of entire thing, Obama released a statement emphasizing on technical cooperation with India.

A Delhi boy gets Death penalty for saving a girl, case cited as ‘Rarest of rare’

It was a normal day for Delhi as  Paratha galli was full of people with few goons chasing a girl for 40 minutes. Just as the people started feeling pity on the goons for going through this ordeal of having to chase for so long, something strange happened that shook up brave bystanders.

An ordinary looking boy appeared from no where and jumped between the girl and the innocent looking goons, couple of them were looking tender enough to get away even with Rape, Murder and both

 

And to everyone’s disbelief, the boy successfully defended the girl and goons had to retreat. Disappointed crowd quickly got suspicious of the boy’s strange behavior and handed him over to the police.

It is exactly 3 months after the incident; today hearing ended with goons statements. The court pronounced death penalty to the boy citing this incident as the rarest of the rare. To which even the staunchest criticizer of death penalty could not refute.

One of the underage attempters was all in tears, “This solidifies my belief in my country’s law. Thankfully I am just seventeen and still got plenty of chances but just look at him, he just crossed into major age. No verdict can give him his golden years back” He said consoling his friend.

The known activist and megastar Rahul Bhos was all emotional “This is the victory of law, just look at the girl, the act of the boy could have send her in permanent coma” she said pointing to the girl who was still sitting out of the court holding her head with her eyes wide open in disbelief.

Madam Geela Biskit upheld the verdict “After the dastardly act of that boy, my driver and cook are scared to live in Delhi. Law is not in government’s hand does not mean we can let people take it in their hand.” She said flashing V sign.